I am a  college student living in a dorm with one roommate.  My problem is simple:  I buy rather expensive product for my hair and skin, and my roommate feels entitled to use them.  I wouldn’t mind if she did this occasionally, but it happens every day.  She is a great roommate in all other respects, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings. But her use of my products is terribly annoying and upsetting.  Do you have any suggestions?

Dear Gracious Reader,

Thou Shalt Not Borrow One’s Products should be the eleventh commandment.  Alas, it is not, so you’ll have to handle this situation in a friendly but upfront way.  You might suggest to your friend that you’re glad she likes your shampoos and scrubs, but they are pricey… would she mind contributing to the cost?  You could offer to take turns when stocking up on essentials.  If she is particularly thick, or just plain cheap, invest in a small safe and lock up your L’Oreal when you’re not around.  Or you could consider the price of your product as a small one to pay for an otherwise worry-free roomie.

Graciously Yours,

Grace

I am in my 20s and many of my friends are getting married.  While I am thrilled to be invited to these happy occasions, the cost of wedding gifts coupled with shower gifts, is breaking my budget.  And do you have to buy something from the couple’s gift registry, or is it OK to select something else you think they would like?

Dear Gracious Reader,

While it’s an honor to be invited to celebrate a couple’s wedding, it is not a requirement to break the bank while doing so.  There are several helpful shower and wedding etiquette books and websites to help you navigate wedding waters, but there are some basics Grace can share with you.  Since it is considered impolite to invite guests to more than one shower, attend one event and send caring cards to the others.  Wedding registries are popular places and make selecting a gift simple, but if you have an imaginative idea for a gift, by all means, go for it.  You are invited to share a momentous occasion with a friend… a friend who would not want you to go into debt with your gift.  Stick to your budget and select it with a caring heart.  Gifts given with love are the best to receive.

Graciously Yours,

Grace

Recently I was attending an art gallery opening with friends.  I thought the art displayed was just awful, while my friends were gushing with praise.  Should I keep my critical view to myself, or speak up when I disagree?

Dear Gracious Reader,

Many times we are asked our opinion.  Often the ones asking are simply looking for confirmation that their art, room decor, babies or Aunt Edna’s glass animal collection are wonderful to behold.  These times are quite different when you are asked for your thoughts on world politics, religions, or directions (especially if you are asking a man!), or the weather.  When faced with the dilemma of whether to spill your guts or go along with the group, remember, it is usually wiser to be kind than to be honest.  While gushing is certainly not required, it shouldn’t be too hard for someone with the intelligence to read my column to conjure up a few selected bits of kind words.  On the other hand, if you possess a poison pen or sharp tongue, start an advice column!

Graciously Yours,

Grace

All of my friends are joining Facebook and social networking websites and I’m simply inundated with “friend requests.”  Do real women (and men) use social networking, or is it best left alone?

Socially Unsure

Dearest Gracious Reader,

There is a sea of social networking opportunities these days,  and navigating  shark-infested waters can be a difficult thing for ladies and gentlemen to do.  How does one keep the proper proportion of privacy while maintaining a friendly yet genteel air?

One must be careful of those friendly fishermen… you know, those overly-familiar folks who send friend requests to everyone they’ve ever encountered.  Then there is the issue of family, both blood and inherited.  Do you really want them seeing your personal computer comings and goings?  Worse yet, do you want them to respond to your remarks, thereby practically forcing you to respond in kind?

Solving these situations is simple, my dears, but as in most things public, it will require reserve and restraint on your part.  Should you favor Facebook, submit to My Space, lust for LinkedIn, or pine for Plaxo, remember that less is more.  Photos should be flattering and leave much to the imagination.  Status updates, besides reflecting good taste, should be fun and fanciful.  Refrain from the unrefined comments and remember, vulgar is never vogue.  If you’re not comfortable with the world reading it, don’t post it.

One last word to the wise… postings and photos take on a life all their own once placed in the strange and glorious world of cyberspace.  Once online means forever in time.  So keep your senses about you and your sensibilities in check while you enjoy the world of online communication.  And remember to sit up straight while you type!

Graciously Yours,

Grace

When is Ms. the correct salutation? I was brought up in a time when Miss was used for a lady who was unmarried. Mrs. of course when she was married. Ms. became increasingly popular in the 70′s. I often receive mail addressed to Ms. Perkins. I know of no such person. Shall I toss it? Mrs. Perkins

 
Dearest Gracious Reader,

I am all for tossing unwanted mail, especially credit card offers and pesky utility bills, but unfortunately in business, it is not quite so easy to rid the mailbox of “junk,” lest you miss an invoice for paper clips. In the business world, Ms. is commonly used as there are so many women in the workplace and it covers more women than addressing everyone as “Miss” which would certainly offend my 60-year-old widowed accountant, Mrs. Parshingham. 

Please do contact those colleagues and organizations who send things addressed to Ms. Perkins and ask that they address you as Mrs. Perkins. Of course, when writing to someone at an organization who is unknown, always address them as “Dear Sirs and Mesdames,” and never just “Dear Sirs.”

Historically, “Miss” was used for unmarried women and the “Mrs.” for married women. Of course, I know married women that have kept their maiden name and prefer to be addressed as “Ms.” In the seventies, for the first time, women were given a title which did not define her by her husband, or lack thereof.
 

Graciously Yours,

Grace

It has simply been too long since I’ve written you. With all the barbecues, pool parties, trips to the shore and other outings, I have let the summer slip right by me! It seems the heat is affecting minds all over Our Town…as I have witnessed some of the most egregious behavior in these sultry summer months.

I recently sent invitations to what (I’m sure) will be the bash of the summer—a summer dinner party to celebrate the birthday of one of KayCee’s hardest working women. Imagine my surprise and shock when roughly half the (very lucky) invitees failed to respond to the invitation on or before the date posted on the R.s.v.p!! Calls, emails, texts and one personal visit later, I finally had a working list of the attendees.

Gracious readers, I beg of you to always respond to an invitation that asks you to R.s.v.p. You needn’t respond to an invitation that asks for “regrets only” (although isn’t it a bit presumptuous of a host to think you will regret missing his party??)

I’ll let you know how the party goes…I’m sure there will be much to report.

Graciously yours,

Grace

Dear Grace,

I recently sent a present to a family friend who was expecting her first child. I know she received the gift (it was hand-delivered by a family member,) but three months later and I haven’t received a thank you note. Frankly, I’m miffed.

Dearest Gracious Reader,

Bringing a new member into the family certainly can bring out the best and worst in us, can’t it? All gifts should be acknowledged with a thank you note (that is mailed in a paper envelope, mind you, and not via the internet) except if you presented the gift in person and were given a verbal thank you (although I think an additional written note of gratitude is icing on the cake). I do hope that your dear family friend simply let new motherhood get the best of her. Send the child a gift on her first birthday, if you receive a thank you note, all should be forgiven, if you don’t, I would remove this family from your gift exchange list.

Graciously Yours,

Grace

Dear Ms. Ushley,

Recently, I attended a lovely dinner party at a beautiful home. The evening was filled with interesting conversation, fine wine and delectable food. It was during the second course when the entire evening began to crumble. One of the guests took a business phone call while sitting at the table! I was so utterly shocked that I almost choked on my vichyssoise!  A total of three calls were taken during the course of the meal. Ms. Ushley, you needn’t tell me this was rude to the guests and the hosts, but what should we have done to curtail this behavior?

Gracious Reader,

First, please call me Grace. There, now that wasn’t too hard.

It does indeed sound like a lovely evening was ruined by this shocking behavior. I nearly choked on my frappacino just reading your letter. One can only assume that the wide-eyed shock of the other guests didn’t faze this person?   Perhaps the hostess may have some recourse. At the conclusion of the first phone call, the hostess should put one dainty hand on her cheek and exclaim, “Oh dear, I do hope there is no great emergency with a family member. But just in case, I’m sure you would like some privacy to deal with this. Let me make my study available to you for your phone call.”  I’d also advise removing this person from future guest lists.

Graciously Yours,

Grace